Jeffery Bow 0:02
Why do we hold on so tightly to those things that hurt us? How do we let go? Stay tuned to find out more on this episode Huikala, the art of forgiveness.
Aloha, and welcome to create your life your way. My name is Jeff Bow and I'm here to serve you as a Healer, Master Certified Life Coach and Kahu. I will be sharing insights, tips and suggestions to support you on your healing journey. In essence, it's helping to bring you to a place of happiness, authenticity and truth. What do you say? Let's get started.
Aloha, and welcome to this episode, Huikala, the art of forgiveness.
Today's episode is sponsored by the Happy Ohana Hale. The Happy Ohana Hale is the brainchild of Julia Estrella. It is a place that supports humanity through fun- faith, unity and nature. It honors those of the past, present and future. The energetic disposition is one of a family atmosphere or as we call it in Hawaii, ohana. The main purpose of the Happy Ohana Hale is to be an international resource and healing center for those wanting to live a happy, healthy and vibrant life. To connect people and resources and to share information that may be beneficial on their healing journey. It is their intent to be a support and to let each individual make their own decision and choices. Thank you Happy Ohana Hale for your sponsorship of today's episode.
Have you ever said or heard someone say that I'll never forgive that person. It doesn't bother me. I just don't think about it. I can forget, but I'll never forgive them. We hear this a lot. He could also be something someone said to them did to them or in some cases didn't do to them such as give them the support they needed. acknowledge them, tell them I love you or a variety of other issues. There are definitely some horrible, awful things that happen to people. Things that devastate lives, causes lifelong trauma and just terrible things that happen. I would never ever want to discount these actual events. Everyone's threshold for tolerance varies. What may seem unimportant to one person could have made a world of difference for another. No one is wrong. It is your experience your life, what you feel is real. And no one can deny you or tell you what or how to feel.
At what point in your life, will you be ready to take responsibility for your future? I believe we go through five stages of grief when something traumatic happens. We also skip steps and go through the process not necessarily in that order. According to the Swiss psychiatrist Kubler-Ross, from her book, on death and dying, the five stages that people go through are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Although this is for dying patients, it is my belief that this can apply as you try to shed your old self and try to find your new self through this process. Obviously, it is different for each individual, and no one template can fit for everyone. It has been my experience in working with people in my coaching and healing business, that sometimes people get stuck in any of the stages, and also can cycle between two or more as well.
So how do you break the cycle? The true reaction is to blame. And most times, rightfully so, especially if you've been victimized. One of the ways to break the cycle is through forgiveness. Forgiveness never condones the action of what happened. I'm going to say this again. Forgiveness never condones the action of what happened. Forgiveness allows the victim to take control of their future and not let the past experience haunt them and influence their current choices and decisions based on the past. This can be consciously or even resided in the subconscious. If you hold on to memories that do not serve you, especially energetic emotions, such as anger, hate or resentment, it will create tension in your body. Eventually, if this is not dealt with, it will manifest itself as pain or disease.
Here is an example. I had a very close friend who had been divorced for some time. We were talking and he mentioned that his ex wife had an affair, and he would never forgive her. I told him that it would literally kill him if he didn't let it go. I said that she sleeps at night not thinking about it, and has moved on and he needed to do the same. As he described what happened. It was as if it had just happened. Although it was more than 10 years since his divorce. I explained to him that when the emotions are that strong, your body thinks it is happening now. So basically, it's like abusing yourself all over again. He said he doesn't think about it until we talked about it. Long story short, he was a strong, healthy guy with no predisposed health conditions. He passed away have heart issues. Coincidence? I think not. The Heart Center is where we process love. That was such an unfortunate incident that happened to my friend.
My next example is about someone who learned to forgive. Louise Hay in her book, 'You Can Heal Your Life' connects disease with the associated emotional issue. She had an abusive stepfather and was raped at the age of five by a neighbor, then by her stepfather at 10. As an adult, she had cervical cancer and believe that it was because of her unwillingness to let go of the resentment over her childhood abuse and rape. She refused traditional treatment, and use the concepts and methods that she had studied and first written in her pamphlet, 'Heal Your Body' that later became the book, you can heal your life. Louise Hay began a regimen of forgiveness, coupled with therapy, nutrition, reflexology, and occasional colonic enemas and claim that she had become cancer free.
Huikala- forgiveness. Letting go of the desire to get revenge on someone who hurt you, releasing the anger, frustration and resentment towards the perpetrator. As I mentioned before, that forgiveness never condones the action. Rather, it extends grace to yourself first and foremost than to others. It allows you to take back your power and take responsibility for your future. This is exactly what Louise Hay did.
So if you remember our last episode on Love versus Destruction- an energy profile, harboring these ill willed feelings, stored destructive energy. Your feeling can be completely valid. However, at some point, carrying that weight of destructive energy impacts your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
The Hawaiians believe that we are born with a bowl of light. It's similar to the energy profile. As we have destructive things happen in our lives, we put pohaku or stones into our bowl of light. The light gets dimmer, so we need to remove the pohaku from time to time to restore our light energy. So what happens if we embrace forgiveness? If we learn the art of letting go, we release tension and you clear the destructive energy from your energy profile, making more space in our lives for love. Love heals. Some examples might include letting go of blaming yourself or others, making the choice to see the divine in others, and realizing that we are all humans, capable of making mistakes and making amends. Again, I would like to repeat forgiveness does not condone the action of hurt or destruction against you in any way. Forgiveness is about taking back your power and your emotional well being. Forgiveness is about realigning yourself with your Divine Source Energy. Write that down. Forgiveness is about realigning yourself with your Divine Source Energy.
Here is another amazing example of forgiveness. This is public information that is openly shared, so I'm not disclosing any private information. I have a dear friend Sooriya who had something tragic happened in his life. His father was shot in front of his mother in Sri Lanka. Sooriya was 21 at the time and the oldest of eight brothers and sisters. Obviously, there was so much anger and understandably so. It wasn't until the age of 28 when he was initiated as a sadhu. He was able to forgive in the caves of Arunachala, a holy spiritual mountain. He refocused his anger and pain of his father's murder to spread love and equality. He chose to carry on his father's legacy. Today, he promotes peace worldwide.
Ask yourself, what will it take for me to forgive once and for all? It's possible to forgive if you're open to the possibility. As I mentioned above, forgiveness is about realigning yourself with your divine source energy. Think about that. What about asking others to forgive us if we made a mistake? Nana Veary. In her book 'Change We Must' had a great idea. Every night before bed, forgive those who might have hurt you, and ask forgiveness from those whom you may have hurt Then in the morning, you start a new. If for some reason you never wake up, your conscious is clear.
What happens if others don't forgive us if we ask? Well, that becomes their burden and not yours. If you have tried everything to make it right for pono, as we say, and ask for forgiveness, it then becomes upon them to accept it as it is there waiting for them. The Hawaiians believe that if someone asked for forgiveness, and you don't accept it, it was one of the worst sins you could commit. It works both ways. If someone asked for your forgiveness as well, think about the responsibility, you now hold.
So forgiveness is not just about saying it, but to feel it emotionally. Yes, it may take time, but you can do it. It is freeing yourself to the attachment of hate, anger and blame.
Here are some action steps that may be helpful. 1. Connect to your source of Divine Presence. If you don't have one, check in with your values and what is most important to you. 2. Make the choice to take responsibility for your future. 3. Determine what you want to let go of. 4. Ask yourself if I let go of these things, how, or in what way will it free me? 5. How will my energy shift in a positive way if I let go? 6. Feel the emotions of this positive energy shift. and 7. Say a pule or prayer for all involved. You can also use the Emotional Freedom Technique to help you process the emotions as well.
I would like to thank the Happy Ohana Hale for sponsoring today's episode, Huikala- The Art of Forgiveness. Stay tuned for my next episode, meditation. I would love it if you took the time to visit Soulpono.com, for more information about me and my services. That's s-o-u-l-p-o-n-o.com. A hui hou, malama pono. Until we meet again, take good care.